In Zod We Trust
In Zod We Trust is an episode of Transformers: Renegade Rhetoric described on the Renegade Rhetoric Facebook page.
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Synopsis
Source Text
The following was posted on Facebook on January 7, 2016. [1]
Dear Cy-Kill, Could we hear more about Zod?Cy-Kill: Certainly. One of my recent schemes went awry thanks to an industrial accident involving Zod's processor. I had directed Jig Saw to use his Super Disguise ability to pretend to be Apollo to infiltrate the Cape Canaveral Space Center, while Fright Face and Stallion held back with Zod, ready to strike when Jig Saw gave the word. Unfortunately, Matt soon realized "Apollo" was in fact my agent due to him failing to remember a movie they had watched together. Jig Saw hadn't yet located his mission objective, the new space probe containing UNECOM's new quantum supercomputer.
Matt stealthily called the Guardians, while having General Newcastle take "Apollo" on a tour of the least-interesting parts of the base. Jig Saw later confided in me that it was getting harder and harder for him to maintain his cover and not start squishing the puny humans like the insects they are. Leader-1, Turbo, and Hi-Way arrived and tried to take Jig Saw into custody, with Turbo quipping that "the JIG is up," and Hi-Way adding, "yes, we SAW through your disguise." He called in his reinforcements rather than surrender, and the Guardians found themselves in a quite unexpected fight. Fright Face got hold of Newcastle and forced Leader-1 to divulge the location of the probe, which he reluctantly did. He ordered Stallion to grab it, but before he could Zod sunk his metal teeth right into it and there was a huge electrical surge.
When the dust settled, Zod loomed over the battlefield. Jig Saw tentatively asked Zod, "are you OK, boy?" Zod narrowed his eyes and, in a rather refined British accent, replied, "I have never felt better in my entire life, my dear chap." Stallion and Fright Face looked to each other and decided that they had better report back to me, and Zod deigned to accompany them. The Guardians were left scratching their collective heads.
At first I was delighted with Zod's new found mental prowess. He had always been my most potent weapon, limited only by his animistic intellect. Cop-Tur told me that he had a bad feeling about the whole situation, but I brushed him off. After all, this is Cop-Tur we're talking about. I decreed an attack on the Command Center dry dock in the Procyon System, where the Guardian space fleet was undergoing repairs following the drumming I had given them upon my return to Level 1. I would lead the diversion, Zod would lead the main attack.
The attack went well, with Cop-Tur, Crasher, Breez, and I drawing a large portion of the Guardian's force. When Zod and his attendant Thrusters arrived, the Guardians found themselves outflanked and had little choice but to fall back, giving me control of a third of their fleet. I returned to Rogue Star and left Zod in charge of completing the repairs on the Command Centers. With so much of the Guardian fleet under my command, we would soon be able to crush the Guardians once and for all!
What I hadn't anticipated was Zod's betrayal. Left alone with just a token force of Renegades, he soon browbeat them into compliance and announced to them his intention to lure Fitor, Gunnyr, and I onto the first of the "repaired" Command Centers, and blow it up. He didn't realize that the Guardian Tail Pipe had been knocked out during the fight and overheard the whole thing. He slipped into the communication deck of the drydock, lured Zig Zag away, and sent a coded message to Leader-1 detailing Zod's plans.
Rather than do the sensible thing and allow Zod to eliminate the Renegade leadership once and for all, Leader-1 foolishly decided to warn me. The-devil-we-know logic, I suppose. I didn't believe him; in fact, laughed in his face, and went with Gunnyr and Fitor to the Command Center that had just docked with Rogue Star. Believe it or not, what was left of Leader-1's fleet arrived at that moment and initiated an attack on Rogue Star. Tail Pipe, it seems, had sent him our coordinates. A stray blast hit the Command Center that Zod had sent, and it exploded magnificently. I realized the nitwit had been telling me the truth!
I sent a message to Leader-1, telling him to call off the attack. We had a bigger threat to face. He accepted my cease-fire, on the condition that the drydock goes back to Guardian hands. I reluctantly agreed, wanting to eliminate the cancer of Zod before it grew.
The Renegade and Guardian fleets arrived at the Procyon drydocks together. Zod launched every Renegade he had under his command in half-repaired Command Centers. They were outnumbered six to one, and I gave a stirring broadcast offering amnesty to any who would return to the fold immediately. Predictably, they all did.
Zod, isolated and alone, prepared to initiate the base's self-destruct mechanism and wipe out all Guardians and Renegades together. I believe he was quoting Melville at the time. But, armed with the knowledge of his precise location from the Guardian's inside man, Leader-1 and I Astro-Beamed inside and blasted the self-destruct mechanism. It was close enough to Zod that he got hit with the entire blast. As we readied ourselves to continue the combat, he looked up with blank, uncomprehending eyes and roared. Zod was back! I ordered him to blast Leader-1, but Tail Pipe had anticipated my betrayal and vented the chamber into space, sucking Zod and I out. Leader-1's force field made him large enough to avoid getting sucked out. He congratulated Tail Pipe on his quick thinking, and remarked that apparently the only minions who would willingly serve me are utterly mindless, which Tail Pipe thought was quite amusing.
As for Zod and I, Cop-Tur picked us up in a Thruster and Fitor ordered a withdrawal. We had lost the docks and needed time to repair and regroup. I vowed that I would get Leader-1, even if it took a hundred years, and Zod gave a mighty roar of agreement.
Cast
Notes
- The title is an obvious nod to the motto on United States currency, "In God We Trust."
References
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