Rock and Roll (Transformers: Renegade Rhetoric)
Rock and Roll is a fictional story in the Transformers: Renegade Rhetoric series episode 54. Written in 2016, it retroactively took place in an unaired second season of the Challenge of the GoBots animated series.
Earth rock music comes to the land of rocks.
The following was first posted on the Renegade Rhetoric Facebook page on January 20th, 2016.
Dear Cy-Kill, Do you enjoy rock & roll music?
Cy-Kill: I find it intolerable. Somehow the Guardians don't. In fact, they use it as part of their efforts at diplomacy.
Nick and A.J. accompanied the Guardians Scratch and Turbo to a High Rollahz concert. A.J. remarked that, if only more planets could hear music like this, then Earth would be a lot more popular in the galaxy. Scratch thought this was a great idea, and they arranged to meet the band backstage. The lead singer, Ned Dilettante, loved the idea, and soon the band was on a Command Center bound for Quartex.
Crackpot, the azurite idiot, was excited at the prospect of learning more about Earth's culture, and so Boulder reluctantly put him in charge of the concert. He arranged for a large audience of friendly Rock Lords in the Ingot Ampitheater. So widely did he broadcast his intentions that news even reached Stonehead, Magmar's base. The chance to strike at so many of his enemies all at once must have been tremendously tempting, but the canny Stoneheart advised him otherwise. Rather than risk open confrontation, why not capture the performers and force Earth into the war on Magmar's side?
When the Command Center landed, the band was amazed at Quartex's stark and natural beauty. Even the imperious Ned Dilettante was impressed. Nick told him that he'd get used to galactic travel, but the singer brushed him off so that he could converse with the star-struck A.J., which rubbed Nick the wrong way. Suddenly, an ambush! Stoneheart and the evil shock rocks, Stone Hook and Rock Shot, used Magmar's personal chariot, the Stone Wing, to bash into the band's makeshift green room with the Stone Wing's battering ram. Turbo and Scratch attempted to defend them, but they soon received a bauxite bludgeoning from Rock Shot's mace. Stone Hook, the obsidian oaf, got confused and grabbed Nick, instead of Ned. Rock Shot and Stoneheart grabbed the rest of the band and fled to the Stone Wing, converting it to its jet configuration. Ned, A.J., and the battered Guardians were left behind. The injured Scratch managed to get off a blast, knocking the andesite airship out of the sky and forcing the Stone Wing into its ground configuration. They roared off into the night.
"This is a disaster," bemoaned Ned, prompting A.J. to reassure him that the Guardians and Rock Lords would save Nick and his band. Ned clarified that he meant it was a disaster that his clothes got ruined in the fight, prompting A.J. to slap him and curing him of her nascent infatuation then and there. When Crackpot discovered what had happened, he vowed to set things right without letting Boulder know that anything had gone wrong. They "borrowed" Boulder's Rock Pot vehicle to help keep up, with a narlihog perched on the back, sniffing the air as it rolled in an effort to help track the missing humans.
Fortunately for him, he soon discovered that Stoneheart had detoured around the Foidolite Forest, the hunting ground of the fearsome Rockasaurus, Terra-Roc. Crackpot and the Guardians knew that, if they were to beat Stoneheart and the Shock Rocks to Stonehead, they'd have to go straight through. Everyone was, understandably, quite nervous, and soon their fears were realized. Terra-Roc swooped down, and Ned screamed for the Guardians to blast the "crazy pterodactyl thing," but Crockpot told them no, he had a feeling. He found a particularly tasty boulder and offered it to the basanite beast, and it took it and departed in peace.
Crackpot and the Guardians were now between Stonehead and the evil Rock Lord party, so they planned an ambush carefully. They were concerned that Nick or the band could get hurt, and hoped to force Stoneheart and the Shock Rocks to surrender. They picked a deep canyon and set themselves up on either side of it, holding their fire until their enemies were directly below them. It was a good plan, worthy of a Renegade... but was disrupted when a narlilizard started sniffing near Ned Dilettante's hiding spot. He shrieked, well before Stoneheart was in position, and the battle was on. Turbo and Scratch roared down the canyon in their car modes, hoping to close the gap before anything happened to the hostages. Crackpot, however, noted the narlilizard with interest. If one narly was interested in a human, might others be? He turned into his rock configuration and rolled AWAY from the battle, prompting A.J. to decry his apparent cowardice.
The Rock Lords managed to battle Turbo and Scratch to a stand still. While Stoneheart and Rock Shot kept them pinned, Stone Hook moved into position and used his Powered Hook to nab A.J. from the top of the ridge. With all of the humans secured, Turbo and Scratch had no choice but to surrender... until a rampaging crash of narlirhinos came charging through the canyon! Crackpot had found a herd and drawn them present, and the scent of humans attracted them. The slate slacker Stoneheart and his spineless minions soon realized they could never be safe with the humans and tossed them aside, leaping into the Stone Wing and hastily retreating.
Nick was bashful at having been captured, but A.J. reassured him that there was sometimes more dignity in being a prisoner than in being a worthless rescuer, which got her a dirty look from Ned. Crackpot managed to return the Rock Pot before Boulder realized it was gone, and the concert was an enormous success.
Instances like these make me glad I no longer have a stomach, for otherwise mine would surely have turned.
Christopher Colgin: So did this Ned Dilettante have some pretty rockin' flair?
Cy-Kill: Judge for yourself.
|Guardians||Humans||Boulder's Tribe||Magmar's Tribe||Others|
|Ned Dilettante||Stone Hook||Narlilizard|
- On December 21st, 2015 the Ask Vector Prime Facebook page posted a fictional list of the unaired episodes of Challenge of the GoBots season 2, which listed "Rock and Roll" as season 2 episode 54, which was supposed to air November 28th, 1986.
- This is Rock Shot and Stone Hook's first appearance in fiction, and thanks to Cy-Kill we get to learn they are made of bauxite and obsidian, respectively.
- "Rock and Roll". Written by Jim Sorenson. Transformers: Renegade Rhetoric. November 28th, 1986/January 20th, 2016. No. 54, season 1.
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